"December 25th, 1986 - Van Nuys.

Merry Christmas.

That's what people say at Christmas, right?
Except normally they have someone to say it to.
They have friends and family,
And they haven't been crouched naked under a Christmas tree
with a needle in their arm like an insane person in a mansion in Van Nuys.
They're not out of their minds, they're not writing in a diary,
And they're definitely not watching their holiday spirit coagulate in a spoon.
I didn't speak to a single person today.
I figured why should I ruin their fucking Christmas.

I've started a new diary and this time I have a few new reasons.
One, I have no friends left.
Two, so I can read back and remember what I did the day before.
And three, so if I die, at least I leave a nice little suicide note of my life.

It's just me and you, diary. Welcome to my fucked up life.

Nobody would believe the shit that happens in my head, it's haunted.
Now that I've come down from the drugs
it seems like a sick play that I saw in a theater somewhere.
Thirty minutes ago, I could've killed someone.
Or better yet, myself." 



"I don’t wanna die,
Out here in the valley
You don’t have to lie
I know that’s what I'll do

I don’t want my mom to know
That I never loved my life
And I sold my soul

Everybody gets high
Everybody gets low
Everybody gets bruised
Everybody gets sold

Everybody gets dark
Everybody unfolds
Everybody gets high
Everybody gets so low

And everyone’s eyes are blue
And everyone’s mouth is dry
And nobody wants to die in Van Nuys, Van Nuys"



"You can’t quit until you try
You can’t live until you die
You can’t learn to tell the truth
Until you learn to lie

You can’t breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you’re the joke
There’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?"


"Paint yourself a picture of what you wish you looked like
Maybe then they just might feel an ounce of your pain
Come into focus step out of the shadows it's a losing battle
There's no need to be ashamed

Cause they don't even know you all they see is scars
They don't see the angel living in your heart
Let them find the real you buried deep within
Let them know with all you've got that you are not your skin

And when they start to judge you show them your true colors
And do one to others as you'd have done to you just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stands to lose

Cause they don't even know you all they see is scars
They don't see the angel living in your heart
Let them find the real you buried deep within
Let them know with all you've got that you are not your skin

Well they don't even know you all they see is scars
They don't see the angels living in your heart
Let them find the real you buried deep within
Let them know with all you've got that you are not your skin"

/Madde